is it safe to buy viagra online canadian pharmacy Now that all the excitement of the festive season has died down, I feel like it is the best time to demystify this whole, “New Year, New Me” business. Sometimes I think that the excitement gets people drunk more than the alcohol they take during the holidays. Which in turn, activates imagination and wishful thinking instead of being reasonable and sober-minded. Trust me,I would know. I have made impulsive decisions before.
The year was 2015 when I finally started living alone. My darling mother was paying my rent and I was obviously proud of being independent. During the December holidays of 2014, this guy had shown interest in me. I was obviously overexcited because I had been single for about two years. I was the odd pea in the pot, because most of my friends were dating. Some had even maintained their high school sweethearts. Please be kind when you hear this. . . wait for it! As soon as the guy said how much he liked me, I filled in the gaps and even came up with one of those romantic stories.
I become his girlfriend. Even before I was sober enough to decide why I wanted to date. Without taking time to think about what being a girlfriend meant. Well, I blame the festivities for that, to some degree. But being in a relationship was all that I cared about at that point. I loved fitting in. Afterall, who didn’t?
I seemed okay, happy even. But since I went to boarding school in 2006, I had grasped the art of suppressing. Playing charades was my full-time job. Why let them see you sweat? You must understand that I came from a very hostile environment, emotionally speaking. Which meant that I mostly lived in my head. I yearned for the day that my fantasies and reality would merge. That is why I got liberal enough to weave the romantic story. Yet, the relationship fell short on multiple fronts.
I remember thinking, “2015 will definitely be my year!”
Guess where I started from? Yes, you guessed right! New Year, New Me. I wanted a total transformation of sorts. I wanted to grow in all aspects of my life: emotionally, financially, physically and spiritually. Little did I know that I had it all twisted!
The things that curtailed my growth were such as the relationship, suppressed feelings, unhealed childhood traumas, the daily struggles of a twenty-something old girl who had no clue what she was doing. Goodness graciousness! I was such a mess!
I remember walking around feeling like a failure. Because the New Me had not manifested as I wished. 2015 pretty much sucked from the start. That is because I did not focus on what mattered. Which is: self-awareness and reflection. It is so easy to move with the crowd and by following traditions that have taken root. Yet, that does not mean you are focusing on the things that matter most.
So, before I rush to say, “New year, new me.” I pause for a moment to think about what it means. That is because over the years, my perspective changed.